Back-to-School Blues: Helping Children and Families Navigate the Return to School

When “Back-to-School Blues” Shows Up in the Therapy Room

The start of a school year can bring excitement, but it can also bring a whole new set of emotions into your therapy office.

A child may not walk in and say:

“I’m experiencing anxiety related to the transition back to school.”

Instead, you may hear:

“I don’t want to go.”

“My stomach hurts every morning.”

“Nobody likes me.”

“I hate my teacher.”

“School is boring.”

Or perhaps the child says absolutely nothing about school.

Instead, you notice they’re more withdrawn, irritable, restless, tearful, or having difficulty engaging.

For therapists, these moments can be an opportunity to look beyond the obvious behavior and become curious about what the child may be communicating underneath it.

Start With Curiosity, Not Assumptions

It’s easy to hear “I don’t want to go to school” and immediately think anxiety.

But there can be many reasons a child is struggling.

Maybe they’re worried about academics.

Maybe there is a friendship issue.

Maybe they’re being bullied.

Maybe the classroom environment feels overwhelming.

Maybe they’re struggling with separation.

Maybe something changed at home.

Or maybe they’re simply having difficulty transitioning from the slower pace of summer back into a structured routine.

Instead of assuming, try exploring.

“What’s the hardest part of going back?”

“What happens in your body when you think about school?”

“If you could change one thing about school right now, what would it be?”

“What do you wish grown-ups understood about school?”

Sometimes one well-timed question tells us much more than a worksheet ever could.

Remember That the Child May Not Have the Words Yet

One of the most important things we can remember when working with children is that limited verbal expression doesn’t necessarily mean limited emotional experience.

A child may know they feel bad without knowing whether they’re anxious, embarrassed, lonely, angry, overwhelmed, or afraid.

That’s where developmentally appropriate interventions become so important.

Depending on the child’s age and needs, consider incorporating:

• Play-based interventions

• Drawing or art

• Storytelling

• Feelings identification

• Role-play

• Scaling activities

• Body awareness

• Journaling

• Games that encourage emotional expression

• Simple cognitive and behavioral strategies

The goal isn’t to make a child sit down and provide an adult-level explanation of their emotions.

The goal is to meet them where they are.

Don’t Forget the Parents

Sometimes the child isn’t the only person who needs support.

Parents may walk into the room frustrated and say:

“I ask what’s wrong, and they won’t tell me anything.”

Or:

“I don’t know how to help without making it worse.”

That’s an important part of the clinical picture.

Therapy can become an opportunity to teach parents that communication isn’t always about asking better questions.

Sometimes it’s about creating enough safety that the child eventually wants to answer.

Help parents practice:

Observation instead of interrogation.

“I’ve noticed you’ve been quieter lately.”

Validation instead of immediate problem-solving.

“I can see why that might feel hard.”

Curiosity instead of assumptions.

“Help me understand what school feels like for you.”

Connection before correction.

Sometimes a parent doesn’t need another parenting technique.

They need permission to slow down.

Explore the Physical Complaints

Stomachaches and headaches can be particularly important to explore when they repeatedly appear around school.

We shouldn’t automatically assume they’re psychological.

At the same time, recurring physical complaints can sometimes accompany anxiety or emotional distress.

A good clinical conversation might include:

“When does your stomach start hurting?”

“Does it happen on weekends too?”

“What are you usually thinking about when it starts?”

“What happens after you stay home?”

This can help identify patterns without dismissing the child’s physical experience.

When appropriate, encourage families to involve their pediatrician or other medical provider in evaluating persistent physical symptoms.

The National Institute of Mental Health provides resources for understanding children’s mental health and recognizing when additional support may be appropriate.

Look at the Whole System

A child struggling with school may not have a “school problem.”

They may be responding to something much broader.

Consider exploring:

• Family transitions

• Parenting stress

• Peer relationships

• Academic expectations

• Sleep

• Social media

• Bullying

• Changes in family routines

• Previous negative school experiences

• Separation concerns

• Self-esteem

• Perfectionism

• Sensory or developmental needs

Sometimes the child’s behavior is the symptom that gets everyone into the room.

The real work is figuring out what the behavior is telling us.

Help the Child Build a Plan

Once you’ve identified the concern, avoid creating an enormous list of things the child needs to change.

Instead, create something manageable.

What is one difficult moment?

Maybe it’s getting out of the car.

What happens then?

Their anxiety spikes.

What can they try?

A breathing strategy, grounding technique, predictable transition, or supportive routine.

Who can help?

A parent, teacher, counselor, or trusted adult.

Give the child a plan they can actually remember when they’re overwhelmed.

Small wins can create confidence.

Sometimes the Goal Isn’t “Make School Easy”

We may be tempted to focus on eliminating the anxiety.

But anxiety isn’t always the enemy.

Sometimes the therapeutic goal is helping a child learn:

“I can feel nervous and still do something hard.”

That’s a very different message.

We’re not promising that school will never feel uncomfortable.

We’re helping the child develop confidence that they can handle uncomfortable moments with support.

The American Academy of Pediatrics provides parents and professionals with resources related to children’s emotional and behavioral health.

And Give Parents Permission to Get Support Too

Sometimes parents arrive feeling guilty.

“I should know how to help my child.”

“Maybe I’m doing something wrong.”

“Why won’t they talk to me?”

This is where therapists can offer something incredibly valuable:

reassurance without minimizing the concern.

Seeking therapy doesn’t mean a parent has failed.

It means they’re paying attention.

It means they’re willing to learn.

And sometimes having a neutral professional involved gives both the parent and child a little more room to understand each other.

The Back-to-School Season Is an Opportunity

As therapists, we don’t have to wait for a child to reach a crisis point before we start exploring what’s happening.

The return to school can give us a natural opportunity to check in.

What’s changed?

What’s harder?

What feels different this year?

What does your child need from the adults around them?

And perhaps most importantly:

What are they trying to communicate that they don’t yet have the words to say?

Sometimes the most important intervention isn’t another coping skill.

It’s helping a child feel understood.

And helping a parent learn how to understand them, too.

For Therapists Looking for a Supportive Practice

At Carolina Counseling Services, we know that working with children and families can be incredibly rewarding, and sometimes incredibly complex.

You shouldn’t have to navigate that complexity alone.

We’re interested in clinicians who value thoughtful, compassionate care and want to continue growing in their work with children, teens, adults, couples, and families.

If you’re a therapist in Greenville, Durham, Fayetteville, Southern Pines, Sanford, Cameron, Fuquay-Varina, or surrounding North Carolina communities and you’re considering your next professional step, we’d love for you to learn more about Carolina Counseling Services.

Good therapists need support, too.

And sometimes finding the right practice can make all the difference.