Therapy Can Be Uncomfortable
Therapists tend to lean into validation and helping, which can make the idea of your clients being uncomfortable feel a bit overwhelming. Whether you are new to the field or have been practicing for decades, this may be something you avoid. While validation is important and decreasing discomfort is fantastic, avoiding it may be causing more harm than good.
Why Avoid Discomfort?
As human beings we are hardwired to avoid discomfort and seek out comfort. This can be especially true for those with anxiety. Research shows that those with Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) will often go to extreme lengths to avoid uncomfortable or “threatening” situations. And this all makes sense, very few folks would actively choose to be uncomfortable.
While it makes sense to avoid discomfort or situations we perceive as a threat, it can severely limit our opportunities for growth and even enjoyment. As a clinician, the last thing you want to do is facilitate avoidance, however, you may be inadvertently avoiding allowing your clients to sit in discomfort in sessions.
How Might You Be Avoiding Creating Discomfort
We grow through adversity, and therapy can be a safe place to create discomfort to help our clients work through it. Now I’m not suggesting purposely making things difficult for your clients, but it can have a place in developing coping skills. Unfortunately, there are some ways that you may be avoiding allowing discomfort such as;
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Not maintaining boundaries. You may be cringing reading this one and thinking “I talk about boundaries all the time!” That doesn’t always mean that you are maintaining simple boundaries in sessions. This can happen in subtle ways like not keeping to session times – allowing clients to show up late and/or sessions to run over time. We can talk about boundaries all day long but if we aren’t modeling them our words can begin to mean nothing.
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Keeping feedback to yourself. Challenging behaviors and saying the hard stuff is an art. It’s part of being an effective therapist. If you have feedback for your clients that they may not want to hear, it makes sense you may be apprehensive to share, but don’t keep it all to yourself. Therapy is about taking a hard look at what isn’t working for us and finding healthier approaches. If you aren’t sure how to share feedback or concerns with your client productively, reach out for supervision or consultation. No one knows all the right things to say all the time, but don’t sit on the sidelines forever!
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Overvalidating. Validation is important and essential, but like all things too much is too much. This can feed into not sharing feedback, if all you are doing is validating your client’s behaviors you may be enabling unhealthy behaviors whether you are aware of it or not.
There can be many reasons that you may be avoiding confrontation and discomfort in your sessions. It is important that you find out what those reasons are and find ways to move past them.
To Sum It Up
Don’t avoid discomfort when it can be productive. It can be natural to want to create a validating and comforting space in your sessions, however, this can be limiting for your client’s growth. Finding productive ways to create discomfort can lead to remarkable growth.
Seek out support through mentorship, supervision and consultation. You can work through your discomfort with discomfort and become a stronger clinician. Finding a supportive practice can help with this.
If you are a licensed therapist in North Carolina and interested in learning more about contracting with a supportive private practice, reach out! Carolina Counseling Services has been in the business of providing exceptional mental health care since 1994. We are here to help you grow in your practice!
