The holiday season is upon us and with it comes fun, joy, and a boatload of unrealistic expectations. Odds are that you are knee-deep in them and processing through all sorts of distorted beliefs with your clients. While this is a common theme for most of us this time of year, I would like to challenge you to take a look at your own expectations for the season.
This can be a loaded assignment, there are MANY areas where we may have expectations. It can make it difficult to know where to start. Let’s take a look at some common unrealistic expectations that get in our way (particularly around the holidays) and what we can do about them.
Realistic Expectations are Lowered Expectations
Having realistic expectations of what you, and others, can accomplish is healthy and liberating. While you may know this cognitively, it can feel different. If you are a fellow overachiever you likely hear “realistic expectations” and think “low expectations.”
Realistic expectations are NOT lowered expectations. Say it with me, louder for those in the back: Realistic expectations are NOT lowered expectations. Make that your mantra, say it multiple times a day. Live it, breathe it until you believe it.
You cannot have realistic expectations if you secretly believe they apply to everyone except you. If this all sounds like something you tell your clients, then good, you’re on the right track! Unfortunately, we clinicians do not always practice what we preach.
If you love challenging and reframing unrealistic expectations in your practice, you better be doing it for yourself too. This is particularly important during the holidays.
You Can See EVERYONE
The holidays can be a difficult time, and you may find that your clients are needing some additional support. This is not uncommon. It also isn’t uncommon for clients to feel they need to be seen more while also not actually having time for it or having unique scheduling needs. You also deserve to take some time off over the holidays too.
Your boundaries don’t go on vacation this season. It is important to take a look at what you can realistically do, decide what your schedule needs to be so that you can provide the best care possible, and try to stick to it. Working 80 weeks does NOT make for an effective therapist.
Scheduling can be a compromise. Of course there will be times when flexibility is called for, however, if you are ALWAYS compromising you will be setting yourself up for a lot of resentment. I’m willing to bet that is not what you’ve asked for this month.
You can’t light up a tree with a burned out fuse, so don’t be a burned out fuse this holiday season.
There are 26 Hours in a Day
To do lists can be great. Unfortunately, many of us put 13924732859327493 things on our lists as if we have an infinite number of hours in our days. You do NOT have 26 hours in your day, so make sure your expectations line up with this.
When taking a look at what you need to get done each day, make sure that you are addressing responsibilities as well as self-care. We aren’t our best selves when we focus solely on what HAS to get done. Your days have to include taking care of yourself as well, otherwise you will be tap dancing on over to blown-out fuse territory.
Pro Tip: When creating your to-do lists, include an estimate on how long each task takes to complete. This will give you a better idea of whether you are being realistic. This tangible measure can really help challenge cognitive distortions that keep you from being realistic with your time.
Your Emotional Energy is Infinite
This expectation tends to be true year round in our profession, however, it seems to pull double duty over the holiday. It’s no secret that clients tend to face additional challenges this time of year. From unrealistic expectations to increased time with possibly dysfunctional family members, the holidays can be fraught with difficulty.
The holiday season can push our buttons, this is part of the human condition for many. Spoiler alert: You’re a human too. While your clients are experiencing an increase in distress it’s highly possible that you may be as well. We all only have so much to give, so it’s important that you are also giving to yourself.
Boundary setting is imperative at all times, and it may be even more important now. Your emotional energy, empathy, and compassion are not infinite. You have your limits as everyone else does. Make sure you are taking care of yourself, don’t be a blown fuse.
To Sum It Up
The holidays can be lovely and they can be challenging. Realistic expectations are NOT low expectations. Again, you may know this intellectually but that doesn’t mean you actually believe that to be true. My goal for you this holiday season is that you are able to find joy through authenticity.
Be real with yourself, others, and expectations this year. You cannot see everyone, there are only 24 hours in a day (and you need to be sleeping approximately ⅓ of that time) and your energy is finite. Give yourself the gift of realistic expectations this holiday season.
Practice what you preach, my therapist friend. See you next time.
*If you are interested in becoming an independent contractor with CCS and you are a licensed therapist in North Carolina, send your cover letter and resume to the following email: Applicants@CarolinaCounselingServices.com
