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In graduate school, we often explore the possibility of losing a client through hypothetical scenarios. We learn about the resources available to help us process and cope with such a loss. While this theoretical preparation is helpful, the reality of losing a client—especially the first time—can be overwhelming. No amount of classroom training can truly prepare you for the emotional impact.
The Different Ways a Client’s Passing Affects Us
The nature of a client’s passing can shape how we process the loss. In some cases, such as when a client has a terminal illness, we may anticipate their death and help guide them through their final stages of life. We become their support system, helping them express their feelings to loved ones. Yet, despite knowing their end is near, the final phone call that confirms their passing can still hit hard.
Other scenarios, such as when a client passes unexpectedly from a health condition or in an accident, can be even more shocking. You may have been working with them on day-to-day concerns, unaware of the severity of their medical issues. In these cases, the loss feels sudden, and you might question whether you could have done more to help them prepare.
The most traumatic loss is when a client takes their own life or dies as a result of violence. These situations can haunt therapists, causing them to replay past sessions, questioning whether there were missed signs or different approaches that could have made a difference.
Coping with Grief and Taking Care of Yourself
When we lose a client, it’s essential to allow ourselves to grieve and process the loss. As clinicians, we are often so focused on caring for others that we forget to care for ourselves. This is especially true when we’ve formed a close therapeutic bond with a client, only to suddenly lose them.
You may also experience a form of transference, where similar clients or situations trigger memories of the one you’ve lost. This can affect your ability to stay fully present in future sessions. Recognizing and addressing these feelings is crucial, as unresolved grief can cloud your ability to provide effective care.
Embracing Vulnerability Does Not Make You a Weaker Clinician
It’s also important to dispel the myth that feeling deeply about the loss of a client makes you a weaker clinician. There’s often an unspoken expectation in our field to maintain a stoic facade, but this denies our humanity. As therapists, we are not immune to grief, loss, or emotion. We entered this profession because we care about others, so it’s only natural that we feel the impact when one of our clients passes.
To manage the loss of a client, find healthy ways to cope. Seek support from colleagues, mentors, or supervisors. Don’t hesitate to talk through your emotions with a mental health community that understands the unique challenges of being a therapist. Grieving the loss of a client is a hard experience, but by seeking support and allowing yourself time to heal, you can continue to serve others while also taking care of yourself. Keep doing the good work—it’s okay to feel, it’s okay to grieve, and it’s okay to seek help when you need it.
