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As a therapist, one of the most rewarding aspects of the work is building meaningful, trusting relationships with clients. But what happens when that connection doesn’t seem to click? Maybe sessions feel surface level, your client is disengaged, or despite your best efforts, you’re struggling to build rapport.
First, take a deep breath. Not every therapeutic relationship is an instant match, and that’s okay. Building trust takes time, and engagement can ebb and flow. But if you’re noticing a consistent disconnection, there are things to consider to strengthen the bond and create a space where clients feel truly seen, heard, and supported.
1. Reflect on the Possible Barriers
Before assuming the connection is lost, take a step back and assess what might be getting in the way. Some common barriers to engagement include:
Client Hesitancy: Some clients need more time to trust the process, especially if they’ve had negative experiences in therapy before.
Mismatched Expectations: Are your goals for therapy aligned with theirs? Clients may be looking for exploration and the why’s while you may be hyper focused on the solution
Therapeutic Approach Fit: Your style or techniques might not fit with the client’s needs or personality. A more structured client may struggle with open ended sessions, while a client seeking emotional validation may feel disconnected from a more solution-focused approach.
Outside Factors: Life stressors, cultural differences, or mental health symptoms like depression or anxiety can impact engagement.
Taking a moment to self-reflect and reassess can help determine what adjustments might foster a stronger connection.
2. Name It, Don’t Avoid It
If you sense disengagement, it’s okay to bring it into the conversation in a gentle, non-judgmental way.
For example:
“I’ve noticed that it seems a little difficult to connect in our sessions. I want to make sure this space feels helpful for you, do you feel like we’re focusing on the right things?”
Giving clients permission to share their feelings about the process can strengthen trust and open the door for adjustments that make therapy more effective for them.
3. Adapt Your Approach
If something isn’t working, try adjusting:
Ask more open-ended questions to encourage deeper conversation.
Incorporate different techniques some clients engage better with worksheets, goal-setting, or even mindfulness practices rather than just talk therapy.
Check for cultural or personal barriers clients may feel unheard if their values, experiences, or identity aren’t fully recognized in the therapeutic space.
4. Clarify Goals and Collaborate
A disengaged client may not fully understand why they’re in therapy or how the process works. Revisiting their goals and collaboratively shaping the direction of sessions can renew their sense of investment.
Try asking:
“What would make our time together feel the most useful for you?”
“What’s one thing you’d like to take away from today’s session?”
Empowering clients to take ownership of their progress can boost engagement.
5. Normalize Resistance and Be Patient
Not every client is ready for deep emotional work right away. Some may test boundaries, withdraw, or struggle with vulnerability. That doesn’t mean therapy isn’t working, it means they’re still navigating their comfort levels.
Be patient, meet them where they are, and reinforce that therapy is a judgment-free space where they are in control of their own healing process.
6. Know When to Reassess Fit
Sometimes, despite best efforts, the connection just isn’t there, and that’s okay. If you feel like the therapeutic relationship isn’t a good fit, it’s ethical and beneficial to acknowledge it and help the client explore other options.
You might say:
“I really want to make sure you’re getting what you need from therapy. If at any point you feel like a different approach or therapist might be more helpful, we can absolutely discuss that.”
Clients often appreciate this honesty, and it can even deepen trust if they decide to stay.
Final Thoughts
Low engagement doesn’t mean failure, it’s an opportunity to adjust, connect, and meet clients where they are. Therapy is a deeply personal process, and trust takes time to build. By staying curious, open, and flexible, you create the space for authentic connection to develop.
If you’re struggling with client engagement, know that you’re not alone. Keep showing up, keep adjusting, and trust that the work you’re doing matters even when it doesn’t feel immediate.
